Bitter Sweet

The Bitter:

The thought of graduating next December has been nothing but heartbreaking. I'm one of those it's-easier-to-leave-than-be-left type of people and the women who've been through this wicked journey since the beginning are embarking on new adventures. I know that a lot of them aren't going very far, but I don't think it's hit me yet that we're not going to be in the same city for much longer. Right now, everything is normal. Nothing has changed. There's this aura in the air that tells me nothing will ever change. I'm just waiting for it. Meeting these women has been pivotal for me. Never again will I meet a group of people that pushes, encourages, supports, loves, and frustrates each other the way we do. We've been through the brunt of life with each other and I will miss them so terribly. It was only a matter of time that we would all be taking our various paths in life and gearing up for the beginning of the rest of our lives (for real this time). I love them.

The Oh So Sweet:

I love Ashley Phillips and Kiran Subramaniam. More than words can express. Not only did Ashley make her way from sunny California to North Carolina just to surprise her friends, but she and Kiran worked their powers of stealth to completely blow me out of the water.

At our annual theatre banquet held at the end of the year to celebrate our accomplishments and the wonderful work during the season, with the help of some of the other ladies in the department, Kiran put together a Senior Salute. Every senior was matched up with an underclasswoman. I had known about the pairings, but I didn't know about mine. Kiran had asked Ashley to make a video from all the way across the country and she played it during the slide show. It was so amazing. I've never been surprised like that before. It meant more than I could ever express and my tears express that. I love them so much.

Like I mentioned, Ashley came to visit. She left in February, but for some reason it doesn't feel like that long ago that we shared an apartment and frolicked together on our days off, venturing to new destinations within the Raleigh area. I spent last Saturday with her, and her company was relaxing. Nothing feels more comfortable than being in the presence of Ashley Chandler Phillips. Sitting in silence for 30 minutes is enough to fuel me for an entire week. That's what happened when I saw her on Saturday. It was enough to get me through this week of crazy. Her friendship is precious to me and I don't talk about it to a lot of people because it's something that's not easily expressed with words. She is the strength that I forget to remember that I have. She's the beacon of light in the darkness that is life without her. I'm so comfortable in my own skin around her. She makes me smile and allows me to say things about life and about the world I can't say around anyone else. She never passes judgment. She's there for me (and everyone else) when I need her. She's a free soul. She respects that I'm also a free soul. But when you have two free souls that love each other, they'll never want to be free of one another. She is amazing. She's wonderful. I love her.

And Kiran continues to astound me. Not a single dry eye in the night of the METs because she's thoughtful and has love for each and every one of us. The more I hang out with Kiran, the harder it's going to be to live a life separated from her. She's a wonderful soul with beauty and kindness seeping from every single pore. She deserves every bit of happiness in life and I hope that she gets it. I'm so grateful to know her and to share moments like these with her: Basically we're going to be friends forever.

Despite my sadness and woah-is-me kind of attitude, I love my friends. I love their new beginnings. I love my new ending. I love what the future holds for all of us.