Bitter Sweet

The Bitter:

The thought of graduating next December has been nothing but heartbreaking. I'm one of those it's-easier-to-leave-than-be-left type of people and the women who've been through this wicked journey since the beginning are embarking on new adventures. I know that a lot of them aren't going very far, but I don't think it's hit me yet that we're not going to be in the same city for much longer. Right now, everything is normal. Nothing has changed. There's this aura in the air that tells me nothing will ever change. I'm just waiting for it. Meeting these women has been pivotal for me. Never again will I meet a group of people that pushes, encourages, supports, loves, and frustrates each other the way we do. We've been through the brunt of life with each other and I will miss them so terribly. It was only a matter of time that we would all be taking our various paths in life and gearing up for the beginning of the rest of our lives (for real this time). I love them.

The Oh So Sweet:

I love Ashley Phillips and Kiran Subramaniam. More than words can express. Not only did Ashley make her way from sunny California to North Carolina just to surprise her friends, but she and Kiran worked their powers of stealth to completely blow me out of the water.

At our annual theatre banquet held at the end of the year to celebrate our accomplishments and the wonderful work during the season, with the help of some of the other ladies in the department, Kiran put together a Senior Salute. Every senior was matched up with an underclasswoman. I had known about the pairings, but I didn't know about mine. Kiran had asked Ashley to make a video from all the way across the country and she played it during the slide show. It was so amazing. I've never been surprised like that before. It meant more than I could ever express and my tears express that. I love them so much.

Like I mentioned, Ashley came to visit. She left in February, but for some reason it doesn't feel like that long ago that we shared an apartment and frolicked together on our days off, venturing to new destinations within the Raleigh area. I spent last Saturday with her, and her company was relaxing. Nothing feels more comfortable than being in the presence of Ashley Chandler Phillips. Sitting in silence for 30 minutes is enough to fuel me for an entire week. That's what happened when I saw her on Saturday. It was enough to get me through this week of crazy. Her friendship is precious to me and I don't talk about it to a lot of people because it's something that's not easily expressed with words. She is the strength that I forget to remember that I have. She's the beacon of light in the darkness that is life without her. I'm so comfortable in my own skin around her. She makes me smile and allows me to say things about life and about the world I can't say around anyone else. She never passes judgment. She's there for me (and everyone else) when I need her. She's a free soul. She respects that I'm also a free soul. But when you have two free souls that love each other, they'll never want to be free of one another. She is amazing. She's wonderful. I love her.

And Kiran continues to astound me. Not a single dry eye in the night of the METs because she's thoughtful and has love for each and every one of us. The more I hang out with Kiran, the harder it's going to be to live a life separated from her. She's a wonderful soul with beauty and kindness seeping from every single pore. She deserves every bit of happiness in life and I hope that she gets it. I'm so grateful to know her and to share moments like these with her: Basically we're going to be friends forever.

Despite my sadness and woah-is-me kind of attitude, I love my friends. I love their new beginnings. I love my new ending. I love what the future holds for all of us.

Me and TOMS

With my new ambition to become an intern at TOMS Shoes and the very best friend of the entire TOMS staff and company, I have now began to eat, sleep, and breath TOMS. Not that I didn't before, but it's even more prominent now. The people that are around me all the time are probably tired of hearing about TOMS Shoes and their amazing mission and how awesome their shoes are. But these are all true things. I can not tell a lie.

If I could do one thing for the rest of my life, it would be humanitarian work. I would never wake up in the morning and wonder why I'm doing something, and I would go to bed at night knowing that someone's life is a little better than it was yesterday. I wouldn't be doing anything because I thought I had to and every day would bring a new adventure with someone who's appreciative. I don't have a lot to give, but I would devote all the time in the world to someone. Maybe I should be like Blake. I will be. I find happiness in life by finding happiness for others.

TOMS is doing a national day without shoes. I'm participating. I hope you will, too. I will never, never forget the image of the kids I came in contact with when I was in El Salvador. Their little toes had mud peeking through and between the 8 of them, they maybe had 5 pairs of shoes to share. Boys and girls. I have a soft spot in my heart for all this. Join me in the excitement! Join me in the cause! Join me in the movement! Walk barefoot with me! Walk barefoot with TOMS! Walk barefoot with the world!

Far Enough Away

My week hasn't started out too bad and I'm feeling pretty good about life so I think it's safe to talk about love. Valentine's Day is far enough out of my immediate mind that I can talk about it safely without wanting to injure children, lovers, or beloved friends (a higher being spared their souls this year out of sheer mercy).
I'm not really sure why this is the topic for the evening, but I'll make a list of things that I love (in no particular order):

1. My family
2. To laugh
3. Making people laugh
4. Change
5. Good Conversation
6. Animals
7. Animal Planet
8. The planet (on sunny days)
9. Traveling
10. Helping
11. Children
12. My friends

The people that I'm just now becoming acquainted with are the ones that are showing me a new way to live. They are adding their fresh faces to my everyday life and reminding me that it's excellent to experience new things and people. I've been feeling a little stuck, but with the people who have settled into pockets in my life, I know that it's okay reinvent or to retrieve what I knew was there a while ago. I had forgotten what it was like to live and Meredith does that to you sometimes. I forgot what it was like to love and how much I do love. I've been reminded and I'm thankful.

I have a lot to look forward to. In Ashley's leaving, I now have a new destination to visit (and I will be visiting her as soon as I come up with some money...guess I have to start working nights again). Dates with Kiran are becoming more frequent. Morgan is getting married. DanceWorks is fast approaching. ACDF is faster approaching and I've never been to any kind of conference, let alone a dance conference. That's something else I love. Dance. Watching passionate dancers is like watching someone laugh genuinely or cry without any inhibitions or walls. It reveals a part of the dancers soul that you can feel and see in the way their body slices through the air and penetrates your heart. A dance often says what words can't. It helps people feel. Feeling allows you to reach a part of yourself that you can't with thoughts or words. It's a sensation that's indescribable. It's liberating. Love is a feeling.

I've got a lot of love to give. I'm going to find something new to love everyday, something beautiful about five unexpected things, and love will come. It's here. It's always been.

For Me. For Life.

I'm taking another stab at this. Maybe it'll be better. Maybe I'll fail just like last time, but I feel like it wouldn't be a bad thing to document the goings on in my life and add commentary I never get to voice in the moment of an amazing situation. This is for my everyday life. This is for my everyday friends. This is for me. Let us begin.